The title Sex and the Single Christian is meant to be provocative. Some issues look too hot to handle and get put in cold storage. But the man with the Spirit is able to make judgments about all things.
EUNUCHS?
In Matthew 19:12 Jesus says There are some eunuchs which were so born from their mother's womb: and there are some eunuchs which were made eunuchs of men: and there be some eunuchs which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven's sake. People are single (unmarried, widowed or divorced) for various reasons. Here Jesus mentions the three main reasons. Some have no desire for marriage, some are kept from marrying by their circumstances and others do not marry in order to give themselves more fully to Christian work. Often the gift of singleness will be given as the result of a mixture of reasons. When Jesus uses the word eunuch he is, of course, speaking figuratively for the most part. The fact is that most single people, to varying degrees, retain their sexual desires and abilities. Indeed one of the reasons for marriage is the prevalence of immorality and the recognition that it is better to marry than to burn with passion (cf 1 Corinthians 7).
SELF-CONTROL
For whatever reasons a Christian may be single, he must keep control of his sexual desires. The only place for their expression is within the marriage bond. A number of other means of sexual expression, though acceptable to the world, are unacceptable to believers. There is no place for any of the following, as the accompanying references suggest.
1. Marrying an unbeliever (1 Corinthians 7:39; 2 Corinthians 6:14,15)
2. Co-habiting with someone (Hebrews 13:4)
3. Homosexuality (Romans 1:26,27; 1 Corinthians 6:9)
4. Going to a prostitute (1 Corinthians 6:12-20)
5. The use of any sort of pornography (Ephesians 5:3)
6. Self-gratification (1 Thessalonians 4:3-5 in NIV)
The single Christian may be under pressure to follow any or all of these paths but they are forbidden to him. So what is to be done? Is the answer simply cold baths and lots of sport? They may help but really the greater need is for self-control coupled with wisdom and grace. Like a city whose walls are broken down is a man who lacks self-control (Proverbs 25:28). The Devil can just walk in and defeat is inevitable. This need is emphasised many times in the New Testament. Without it, there is bound to be sin. Of course the married person also needs to exercise a similar degree of self-control.
PHYSICAL TOUCH
Further, an important issue that both those who are single and those who care about them must give special thought to is the matter of physical touch. Apparently a weird experiment by Frederick the Great of Prussia in the eighteenth century demonstrated that newborn babies deprived of all physical touch apart from breast feeding, simply pined to death. We need physical touch. Quite apart from any sexual element we all need to hold and to be held. But we are an island race and physical touch is not something that most of us are very good at or even like talking about.
For some there will be members of their family with whom they regularly keep in touch (quite literally!). Others are more isolated and a handshake, hug or a friendly touch of the arm can mean a great deal. Are you taking seriously the command repeated in Romans 16:16; 1 Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians 13:12; 1 Thessalonians 5:26 and 1 Peter 5:14?
Sometimes something more is necessary: a hand held, an arm round the shoulder. Think of David and Jonathan embracing and weeping at the prospect of having to part from each other (1 Samuel 20:41). Children can also be a great help here. They have no qualms about physical touch and love to be hugged and tickled. Of course, we live in evil days when paedophilia, sodomy and sexual harassment are often in the news. Therefore, such a thing cannot be approached without the utmost care.
No-one must use this as a cloak for sin or leave themselves open to the possibility of misunderstanding. This applies both to single persons and those who are married. We are all different. Some are more demonstrative than others. Physical touch is interpreted in different ways by different people, but being aware of the importance of touch is certainly a factor in living a godly, celibate life.
