My father claims that no one can know when he is middle-aged as he cannot know when he will die. He has a point. Speaking in biblical and common sense terms, however, we can say that in a post-Eden, post Flood world, when life expectancy is around 70 or 80, the years from 35 to 55 should be considered as our middle ones. These years can often be difficult. The purpose of the three main articles in this month's magazine is to explore the theme a little in order to help both those who may feel they are in - or could soon be entering - a mid-life crisis and their nearest and dearest who would like to help them in some way. We begin with a medical approach.
Nat Davies is a
retired doctor and missionary leader and we are very
thankful to him for his contribution. The second article
is an expository one dealing with one central aspect of
mid-life crises - the temptation to be unfaithful. For this
we are indebted to Jonathan Wood. The third article is
from myself and is of a more general nature, dealing
chiefly with cause and cures.
Obviously it has been possible only to introduce the
subject here. If any readers have something worthwhile
to add, we would love to hear from you. ...
'What is a mid-life crisis (MLC)? One dictionary definition states that it is 'a period of psychological doubt and anxiety that some people experience in middle age'. With black humour Barbara Sher quotes a friend's paraphrase of Gertrude Stein 'It's when you finally get there and find out there's no there there.'
Condition
The idea is from secular psychology and was popularised in the sixties and seventies. Originally applied to women, it was soon applied to men too. In the eighties a series of books on the subject by former pastor Jim Conway appeared in America. He speaks of men entering a 'second adolescence' and being confronted by four apparent enemies - their bodies (losing looks, hair, etc); their work (boredom, etc); their families (feeling trapped by responsibility); their God.
More than one website is devoted to MLC and talk of such things is common. Nobel prize winner Sir Paul Nurse, for example, passed off spending part of his prize money on a Norton motorcycle as a symptom of it. The phenomenon is blamed for all sorts of things from peculiar fashion statements, crazy diets, fitness drives and nostalgia-driven CD purchases through to reckless or juvenile behaviour, ill-advised career changes or house moves and acts of adultery.
The basic idea is that by our middle years situations that may earlier have caused little consternation begin to lead to dysfunction and paralysis. It is difficult to know how genuine such a phenomenon is. Sometimes it is simply that a middle-aged person loses his job, is divorced or is seriously ill - things that can happen at other times.
Some are sceptical about the whole idea of MLCs. If we simply seek to excuse bad behaviour by using a fancy label that is unacceptable. Sin is sin, whatever its cause. However, anyone who feels that they or someone they love is going through such a crisis will inevitably ponder the cause and cure.
Causes
The first thing to recognise is that in many ways life is a series of crises, more or less difficult to cope with. Even children surrounded by love and protection can face crises. They seem trivial from the vantage point of adult years, but at the time can be traumatic. Puberty is a well-known breeding ground for quandaries and calamities, when lack of judgement, rebellion and evil desires can cause havoc.
All of adult life is marked by various crises. Man is born to trouble as surely as the sparks fly upward and our few days are often marked by trouble (Job 5:1,14:1). What exacerbates crises that come in the middle years is the timing. There is a certain optimism about youth. There is an ability to shake off our troubles and bounce back that seems to fade with increasing years.
As years advance, we can be like Israel of old, having our strength sapped without realising. Our hair is sprinkled with grey, but we do not notice (Hosea 9:7). We are less able to cope with setbacks and disappointments, failures and falls. Midlife is often life's busiest time and that brings extra pressure. Some are so bitten by the bug of ambition that, whereas their thirst for greater things has sustained them to this point, it is now a menace as they take on more and more responsibility to a point where they cannot reasonably expect to cope. With this, there is the realisation that the years are passing by and the time for doing anything is increasingly limited. In youth 'Life with its path before thee lies' but suddenly 'the crowning day' that's coming looms near. By midlife, the shape of our lives is half-formed. There is less room for manoeuvre and that can be an unwelcome and daunting fact to live with. There is evidence to say that those with unrealistic views of themselves cope least well with midlife. Waking up to the fact that I am not the next Lloyd-Jones, Mrs T, Victoria or David Beckham, can be a shock for some. Perhaps another reason why MLCs are more conspicuous is because of their ability, at their worst, to affect others. The crises of teenagers and the elderly can often be confined in their effects in a way that those of, say, a school teacher and deacon who has a wife and three children, cannot.
Cures
As for curing people or rather getting them through such crises what can we say? The evangelist Luis Palau helpfully recommends a study of 2 Timothy with its calls to fan into flame the gift of God; not be ashamed to testify about our Lord; be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus; Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, etc (1:6,8; 2:1,22, etc).
Humility is always important. Accepting our limitations will go a long way to sparing us the ravages of a MLC. Certainly remembering that no temptation has seized you except what is common to man is important. Christians go through MLCs and survive without dishonouring the Lord. God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear though you may feel otherwise at times. Paul assures us (1 Corinthians 10:31) that when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it. It is only a matter of finding the honourable way out. That may involve sharing your burden with others, reminding yourself of your limitations, accepting life's imperfections or some of the other things we want to mention here.
Then note two good Proverbs. Grey hair is a crown of splendour; it is attained by a righteous life (16:31). Your later life, should God spare you, and your death bed, will be made easier if you can keep from falling into life-dominating sins and shameful acts in your middle years. Then in 20:29 there is a timely reminder that The glory of young men is their strength, grey hair the splendour of the old. A wise man in middle age recognises that he is leaving behind the glories of youth and entering the splendours of old age. The blinding revelations in the emotional crises of youth must give way to the slowly dawning adaptive insights of middle and old age. This begins with a recognition of our growing limitations as far as strength is concerned and ends with a recognition of our increasing grey hairs - the marks of experience and wisdom.
Transitions are never easy. There's many a slip 'twixt cup and lip. Precocious children grow up, old men who want to show off their strength are humoured but the middle aged who do not know what they are can be embarrassing and dangerous. Look to the Lord to bring you through. Remember his promise in Isaiah 46:4 Even to your old age and grey hairs I am he, I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.
