Satan works on many fronts. On one front, he lures Christians into marrying unbelievers. How sad to see a Christian woman and her children sat in church with no husband. If he is sick, that is a pity. If he has gone to glory, sadness is tinged with joy. He is now in heaven. If he does not want to come to church, how truly sad. How did this happen? Is he backslidden? Has she been converted since marrying? Or has she deliberately married an unbeliever? How regrettable that she should have caused herself and others unnecessary sadness.
It is not just a Sunday sadness. Where one partner believes and the other does not, everything is affected. They do not pray or read the Bible together. They do not open their home to needy believers or seeking unbelievers. Fundamental differences mean some subjects are never discussed.
Such believers usually have to be content with a low level commitment to Christ. As Paul warns, the married person thinks not only about the Lord’s affairs - how to please him, but also about how to please her partner (1 Corinthians 7:32-35). How difficult when your spouse is an unbeliever. Will he want to come to church twice on Sundays or even be happy for you to attend regularly? Will he be happy for you to go to prayer meeting? Will he encourage you to teach Sunday School? Will he want to accompany you to a Christian conference?
And what about any children? Will you agree on their education? Will your unbelieving spouse be happy for you to pray with them and read the Bible every day? Will the wife, if she is the unbeliever, be happy when, in reply to the children’s questions, you explain you are going to heaven but mummy is going to hell unless she repents?
What about Samson? His parents objected to him marrying a Philistine, but it says they did not know that this was from the Lord (Judges 14:4). You pray for your spouse’s conversion. We dare not rule out God's Providence. Sometimes the individual has little choice over whom they marry (think of Esther) but God over-rules and converts the unbeliever. Even where a believer deliberately marries an unbeliever God sometimes graciously saves. But are we to presume on God's kindness? What does Paul say? How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? The reverse is more likely. The unbeliever is more likely to drag the believer down than the believer to drag the unbeliever up. By God’s grace, it does happen but do not assume it.
Old Testament
Both Testaments oppose believers deliberately marrying unbelievers. For much of the Old Testament period God worked almost exclusively among the Jews. It is true that some godly men, like Joseph and Moses, married women who were not Jewish. No doubt they believed what their husbands believed, although we know Moses’ first wife, Zipporah, opposed circumcision (see Exodus 4). Otherwise mixed marriages were taboo.
Different interpretations are given of Genesis 6:1-3. John Murray (Principles of Conduct) argues convincingly that the sons of God are believers and the daughters of men unbelievers. Their intermarriage is connected to God’s decision to destroy the world. In Genesis 26:34, 35 we read that Esau married two Hittite women - a source of grief to Isaac and Rebekah, no doubt because of their paganism. Exodus 34:15, 16 and Deuteronomy 7:3,4 warn against marrying Canaanites who would lead God’s people astray.
Ezra 9 tells us that some returning exiles had intermarried with pagans. The godly Ezra's negative reaction makes clear how serious is marriage to an unbeliever. Similarly think of Nehemiah (13:23-28) sternly reacting to the same sin. He reminds them that it was through pagan wives that Solomon fell. Particularly poignant here is the reminder of the effect of such marriages on children.
New Testament
Where only one parent is a believer children are still ‘holy’ (1 Corinthians 7:15) but to have even one unbelieving parent is still disadvantageous. 1 Corinthians 7:39 reads, A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she chooses, but he must belong to the Lord (literally, It must be in the Lord). What Paul says here about second marriages is equally true for first marriages.
Then there is 2 Corinthians 6:14,15, Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? Etc. Under the Law, the Jews were forbidden to plough using different animals under one yoke. It is inefficient and cruel. Paul is not talking directly about marriage but what he says applies to the yoke of marriage. It must not be unequal.
Marriage to an unbeliever is not the unforgivable sin. However, it is dangerous. Unbelievers differ in their opposition to the gospel. He may come to church, he may even be seeking the Lord. However, whatever his state, by marrying him you put a strain on him and on yourself that need not be there.
Practically
- Married to an unbeliever? This may be due to later conversion, ignorance, backsliding, etc. If it is due to disobedience or lack of faith you must repent. Confess any sin involved and ask for grace to improve. 1 Corinthians 7:12-16 makes clear how to proceed, otherwise. If your spouse is willing to stay, good. If not, there is no guarantee you will convert them. 1 Peter 3:1-7 explains further how to live in such a situation.
- Engaged to an unbeliever? This is slightly different. It is possible, if unlikely, that your intended will be willing to break the engagement if you carefully explain the situation. Otherwise, you must keep your promise. A broken engagement is not easy but it is certainly preferable to divorce or the unhappiness of not being able to serve Christ as you might wish
- Presently unattached? Which is better? Remaining single, a difficult calling but God's gift to many Christians, or marrying an unbeliever who may turn you from Christ or hamper your Christian service. Be careful in forming relationships with anyone unconverted or backslidden. Acquaintance can become friendship, friendship love .... Once that happens it will be difficult to back pedal. Take care.
