Carey Conference 2019 (News Item)

Dr Letham

This appeared in Evangelical Times

Some people may consider early January a bad time for a conference but for scores of years a group of men (and more recently women too) have gathered at the Hayes Conference, Swanwick, Derbyshire, for 48 hours or so of conference. Most of the hundred or so men present are Reformed Baptist ministers.

The main subject this year was the difficult but vital subject of the Trinity. It was good to have Dr Robert Letham with us again to faithfully guide us over the terrain. This was supplemented by papers from Jonathan Worsley (worship), David Campbell (holiness), Robert Strivens (Synod of Dort), Henry Dixon (prayer in the Spirit) and Jonathan Bayes (zeal for God's glory). The women's track was led by Ann Benton, mining rich veins in Proverbs. An excellent question and answer session covered all manner of subjects with contributions from the floor as well as speakers. It is hard to recall such a lively and worthwhile such session.

Highlights otherwise were the paper on holiness which stood out as it focussed on the holiness of Jesus and made you want to be holy rather than beating you up for not being holy. The first paper on the Trinity and the one on Dort also stood out. It would be worthwhile to seek out the recordings when available. A big thank you to the organisers and speakers and all who were present. It was good to chat informally and pick up news of the gospel's advance in various places.

It is planned to meet again, January 7-9, 2020 when it is hoped that the main speaker will be US pastor and seminary professor Jeffery Smith.

Five Things All Parents Should know

This Article First Appeared in Reformation Today

As the pastor of a Baptist church, I do not baptise babies but we do give thanks for children and dedicate them to the Lord. This is normally done in the course of regular worship but due to the pandemic and other factors there was recently a Saturday morning dedication at church for a couple who are church members with two young daughters.

In the course of that meeting opportunity was taken to explain a few things, with the hope that it would be useful to the girls' mother and father and any other parents wanting to know what the Bible says about parenthood.

It was pointed out that although there are no dedication services in the Bible, the idea of dedication from birth is there. Samson in the Old Testament and John the Baptist in the New were both devoted to God from birth. Both were born to women who had previously been barren. A third such woman is Hannah, who became Samuel's mother. In 1 Samuel 1:27, 28 she says I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him. So now I give him to the Lord. For his whole life he will be given over to the Lord. Dedication perhaps has more of an Old Testament feel in some ways but all should be well as long as we remember Proverbs 20:25, It is a trap to dedicate something rashly and only later to consider one's vows.

The rest of the time was spent underlining five truths all parents should know, five things best highlighted by asking questions.

To whom do all children belong?

It is important to be clear on this. From time to time nation states will give the impression that all babies born within their borders belong to them and so they can make certain decisions about them, regardless of the legal parents. But no child belongs to the state nor to the church either for that matter. Strictly speaking, they do not belong to the parents either.

So whose children are they? Psalm 127:3 states Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. All children are God's children. Of course, that is not to say that who your parents are is unimportant. It is important, as will be noted.

However, as most Christians realise and acknowledge, all children belong to God. Parents simply have the wonderful privilege of bringing them up. If God has chosen you to be a parent that is something for which to be very thankful. One day sooner than you think your children will be grown up and living their own lives. No parents are perfect but, hopefully, when they do grow up your children will be very thankful for all that you have done for them.

What is Jesus' attitude towards children?

There is a wonderful passage in Matthew 19:13-15. It says

Then people brought little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked them. Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” When he had placed his hands on them, he went on from there.

It is important to remember that in those days life expectancy was low and many children died young. In those days children were nobodies. So when people wanted to bring their children to Jesus for him to touch them and pray for them, understandably the disciples were not keen, What a waste of time, they felt. But Jesus takes the opposite view “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them,” he says “for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Here he is thinking not of the innocence of children but of their weakness, If anyone is going to come to God, they must come fully aware of their weakness. And so although some may mock church services that are all about children and say, what a waste of time, Jesus is clear, he loves children and wants them to come to him. Children ought to know that Jesus loves them and wants them to come to him.

What are the four ways in which all children should grow?

Luke 2:52 says of Jesus that he grew in wisdom and stature, and in favour with God and man. It is important to realise that Jesus did not come into this world fully grown. He was never a baby who could talk and do amazing things, despite what some legends suggest. No, when he was born he was just like any other baby – weak, helpless, unable to do anything for himself. However, he grew – physically and intellectually. He learned to speak and think and read and write. Also, Luke tells us, he grew in favour with God and man. He was increasingly popular with people. They liked to have him round. God the Father always loved him, of course, but as he grew and showed his willingness to submit to God and obey him, the Father loved him more and more.

Think of children you know. They are growing physically – you can see that. In most cases everything is done to help them in that way. Most parents do what they can to give their children an education too. It is important, however, that parents focus on children becoming wise. Simply stuffing their heads with facts can be counter-productive. I grew up a bit like that – Sir Walter Raleigh and potatoes, Sir Christopher Wren and St Paul's, Nelson and Trafalgar – my mother expected you to know such things. Yes, parents want their children to get good marks in school but what matters more is that they become wise. Knowledge puffs you up but if you are wise, so much the better. The Bible is full of wisdom.

And then you want children to get on with people and be useful in society, not to be oddballs. We need people like that. Further, parents must pray and do all that they can to lead their children in the right direction with regard to God. Pray that they will grow in favour with God. Nothing can do them better.

What must parents do and not do for their children?

The work of parents is summarised in Ephesians 6:4. Positively, it says Fathers, ... bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. It is fathers Paul addresses on this matter. Mothers and fathers are responsible but fathers must take the lead. Parents need to instruct their children. They need to tell them what the Bible says and teach them right from wrong and so on. And they need to train them. Parents soon learn that their children are not good automatically. It has to be worked at. Discipline is important.

And do not miss the negatives. Do not exasperate your children or provoke them. Do not make them angry. Or as he puts it in Colossians 3:21, written about the same time, Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged. It is easy to make their lives hard. Do not do that. They are kids remember. They should enjoy growing up as far as that is possible. They will face plenty of heartache soon enough.

Are children with Christian parents special?

Yes, they are. No-one is normally born a Christian. We are all born sinners. Some people cannot accept the idea that children are sinners but sadly they are. Like us all, they are sinners twice over. They are sinners first in Adam. All children descend from Adam and so are born sinners, guilty in him. But then, as parents quickly discover, they are sinners in their own right too. They are quite capable of coming up with their own ways of sinning. Nevertheless, if they have parents who are Christians, then they have a tremendous privilege.

There are children growing up in this world whose parents have never heard the name of Jesus. They are at a severe disadvantage. Even in this country there are children growing up who are severely disadvantaged. Yes, their parents say that they are not biased and want to let their children make up their own minds about God and Jesus and so on. But it is not true. Atheist parents and others never talk to their children about God or urge them to keep an open mind on the subject. They try never to talk to their children about Jesus. They do not bring them to church, at least not one where they will learn the good news of sins forgiven.

How different if parents know the Lord. Paul says that children with Christian parents are holy. In 1 Corinthians 7:14, talking about a situation where one partner is a Christian and one is not, he says

For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy.

So even if only one parent is a Christian, the child is still special, still holy. What is Paul saying? The word holy means set apart, different. A child with a Christian parent has many advantages denied to the child without one. For example,

• Such a child has parents who pray for them – not every child has that. Many have no-one to pray for them.
• Such a child will be introduced to what the Bible says – not every child has that.
• Such a child will be brought into the orbit of the church family – not every child has that.

What blessings belong to such children. No doubt those who baptise babies would want to say more on this but baptised or unbaptised, all children with at least one Christian parent are holy.

No doubt more could be said on this but these five truths are a good place to start. Such truths ought to be more widely known among God's people than perhaps they are.

Samson Occom Fundraising Trip to Britain Part 4 (Final)

This article first appeared in In Writing

Samson Occom 1723-1792 Mohegan Pastor His fund raising trip to the British Isles 1765-1767 in the company of Nathaniel Whitaker that led to the founding of Dartmouth College. Part Four.

On tour in the west, July 25-October 23, 1766

At the end of July, Occom and Whitaker headed west. From this point on there is no Occom diary so it is difficult to be sure where they were when. It has been said of their itinerary, “its specifics cannot be reconstructed”. We get a general idea from letters and the carefully kept accounts that list most places visited and how much individuals and churches and individuals gave.

The trip west can be divided into two parts in that having come back to London by October 24, they headed off again in some haste on October 29, urged by Whitefield, and continued on this second trip into the new year.

The first trip included Abingdon, Berkshire on July 28 (preaching for Baptist Daniel Turner 1710-1798) and probably Bristol, Bath and the Somerset towns of Frome (including John Kingdon c 1731-1801 and the Baptists), Glastonbury, Bishops Hull near Taunton, Wellington and Bridgwater; then in Wiltshire, Bradford on Avon (Baptist Richard Haynes d 1768, Congregationalist Scotsman John Skirven d c 1771, ther Anglicans and others); in Gloucestershire, Gloucester and Chalford (Nicholas Phené) and perhaps Kidderminster, Worcestershire, where they would have preached for Presbyterian Benjamin Fawcett 1713-1780, a friend of Newton.

In Devon, they visited Barnstaple, Bideford, Topsham (preaching for Independent Aaron Pitts d 1771), Chudleigh (preaching for Indepenendent Joel Orchard d c 1771), Culmstock, Cullompton, Exeter (preaching for Arian controversialist Micaiah Towgood 1700-1792) and Plymouth (preaching for Baptist Philip Gibbs d 1800).

Some specific Lord's Day dates we have for Bristol are these from printed sermon extracts. Each time but one the preacher is Occom.

August 10 Tucker Street Meeting (These people have I formed for myself; they shall show forth my people Isaiah 43:21)

August 17 Tucker Street Meeting (And it repented the Lord, that He had made man on the earth, and aggrieved Him at His heart Genesis 6:6)

August 17 Callow Hill Meeting (Looking for that blessed Hope and the glorious Appearing of the great God and our Saviour JESUS CHRIST Titus 2:13) by Whitaker

August 24 Broadmead Meeting (And these shall go away into everlasting Punishment But the Righteous into Life eternal Matthew 26:46)

September 7 Pithay Meeting (My sheep hear my voice, and I know them and they follow me John 10:27)

We know that on September 18 they were in Westbury and Tuesday, 23, Warminster, both in Wiltshire, and in Croscombe and Shepton Mallett, Somerset, 20 miles further west. By October 24 they were back in London.

On tour in the west, October 30-December 31, 1766

After spending a week in Bath preparing, they headed down to Devonshire again, where they visited Crediton (and preached for Anglicans and Presbyterians), Ashburton, Totnes, Dartmouth and Kingsbridge.

They then came back to Bath and were there and in Bristol for two weeks, probably December 1-14. Between Monday, December 15 and Lord's Day, December 21, they visited Wilton and Salisbury, Wiltshire and Blandford Forum, Dorset. It was then

Monday 22 Sherborne, Dorset (21 miles north west of Blandford)

Tuesday 23 Yeovil, Somerset (six miles west of Sherborne)

Wednesday 24 South Petherton, Somerset (10 miles further west again)

Thursday 25 Martock, Somerset (just over three miles further south west)

Lord's Day 28? Crewkerne, Somerset (seven or eight miles more south)

Monday 29 Beaminster, Somerset (seven miles south of Crewkerne) and Bridport, Somerset (another six miles south)

Tuesday 30 Dorchester, Dorset (15 miles east of Bridport) and Wareham, Dorset, another 18 miles east (preaching for Independents Simon Reader c 1716-1789 in Wareham and Joseph Lamb in Dorchester)

Wednesday 31 Poole, Dorset (nine or ten miles east of Dorchester, preaching for Olney born Independent Edward Ashburner 1734-1804 and Presbyterian John Howell 1719-1804)

On tour in the south, January 1-13, 1767

We know their itinerary, more or less, for January 1-14, 1767, when they were in Hampshire.

Thursday 1 Ringwood and Romsey (preaching for Baptists Joseph Horsey 1737-1802 and James Fanch 1704-1767 and others)

Lord's Day 4 Occom went the 10 miles across to Broughton to preach for William Steele (1689-1769) father of hymn writer, Anne Steele (1717-1778). Occom himself was the author of a number of hymns.

Monday 5 Winchester (16 miles further on again). Just Occom again

Tuesday 6 Southampton, 13 miles south of Winchester (preaching at Above Bar for Independent William Kingsbury 1744-1818)

Wednesday 7 They headed to the Isle of Wight and took meetings in Newport (for the Anglicans and General Baptist John Sturch d 1764)

Friday 9 Portsmouth and Gosport (preaching for Presbyterian Thomas Wren 1725-1787 and Congregationalist Thomas Williams 1725-1770)

No doubt they also visited Basingstoke and Whitchurch, both in Hampshire, at this time. On Tuesday, January 13, they headed back to London, arriving in the early hours of January 14.

London and on tour in the north, January 14-July 31, 1767

They then spent an extended period in London laying plans and in March set out on a trip north that would eventually bring them to Scotland.

Places visited en route to Coventry, which they reached on March 26, appear to include Hitchin, Olney, Kettering, Northampton (March 16) then Wellingborough and Welford (probably preaching for Independent Samuel King c 1715-1788) and after Coventry

Warwick (preaching for Independent James Kettle 1716-1806)

Evesham (preaching for Presbyterian Paul Cardale 1705-1755)

Bromsgrove (preaching for Baptist James Butterworth d post 1794 Phillips Jenkins)

Pershore (preaching for Baptist John Ash 1724-1779 and others)

Tewkesbury (preaching for Baptist John Haydon 1714-1782 and others)

Upton (preaching for seventh day Baptist Philip Jones 1736-1770)

Hooknorton (preaching for Baptist Benjamin Whitmore 1728-1804)

Bourton-on-the-water (preaching for Baptist Benjamin Beddome 1717-1795, as mentioned in the Bourton church book)

Cirencester (preaching for Anglican Samuel Johnson)

Worcester (on April 19 for Baptist John Poynting 1719-1791, Independent Thomas Urwick 1727-1807 and Presbyterian Francis Blackmore d 1760).

By April 27 they seem to have been back in Kettering. It was probably at this time that they also visited Leicester, Loughborough, Hinckley, Oakham and Uppingham in Rutland, Derby (preaching for Presbyterian Thomas White) and Manchester, arriving in Liverpool by May 2, which Whitaker called “a pool of error and wickedness”.

They appear to have reached Edinburgh by May 1767. Other places visited en route to Scotland no doubt include Nantwich (where they preached for Presbyterian John Houghton c 1730-1800), Lancaster, Preston and Carlisle. On June 9 they were called back to London by the board but that took some time to expedite.

They spent June 12-17 in Glasgow. They also appear to have visited St Andrews, Dundee and Dumfries. By July 8 they were back in Edinburgh. On July 19 they arrived in Ireland but did not stay there long as they had missed the church's synod and a man from Rhode Island was already there soliciting funds for another project.

No doubt it was on the way back to England that they visited places like Morpeth (preaching for Robert Trotter 1729-1806 and the Presbyterians), Newcastle, Sunderland, Darlington, Whitby, Hull, York, Leeds (where givers included Lady Ingham 1699-1768, wife of Moravian Benjamin Ingham 1712-1772), Wakefield, Halifax (givers there including the Independent church pastored by Titus Knight 1719-1793), Sheffield, Nottingham and Lincoln,

On tour in the east, August 1-October 31, 1767

There was a third brief trip to nearby Hitchin in August but in September and October they covered places in the east of the country, places such as Halstead, Braintree and Bocking, Thaxted, Castle Hadingham, Coggeshall, Clavering and Dedham, all in Essex, then in Suffolk - Sudbury, Woodbridge, Long Melford, Bury St Edmunds, Wattisfield, Southwold (Hurrion), Nayland, Wrentham (Sweetland), Stowmarket and Ipswich (on September 28) – and in Norfolk - Great Yarmouth, Denton, Norwich (Dr Samuel Wood, d 1767, etc), Bungay and Hadley (Mr Tom's). It was probably on this trip that they visited Boston and Stamford in Lincolnshire and Cambridge.

Berkshire and Kent, November, 1767

On November 9, we know they were in Watford, Middlesex, preaching for Baptist Samuel Medley (1738-1799) newly installed there and a friend of Gifford. They also covered High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire and Reading and Newbury, Berkshire. Later in the month they were in Kent, in Tunbridge Wells on the 26th and in Ashford, Appledore, Tenterden and Canterbury too.

The return home, 1768

Whitaker and Occom appear to have fallen out increasingly towards the end of the trip and returned to America on separate vessels. Whitaker appears to have left England for Boston on March 2, 1768, arriving. He arrived on June 6, a long journey of more than three months.

In September, 1768 Occom wrote to Robert Keen explaining how he had been sick for much of his journey home but had recovered. He was taken ill two or three days into the voyage and was seriously unwell for the first four weeks of an eight week journey. He must have arrived in Boston around April 29 or May 6. He began his ride home the next day. His wife had been ill but by the time of writing, she was improving.

From a financial point of view, the trip had proved successful with £12,000 being raised, including 200 guineas from King George III himself.

From other points of view, things were not so good. On his return Occom learned that Wheelock had failed to care for his wife and children while he was away. Furthermore, Wheelock moved on to New Hampshire where he used the funds raised to establish Dartmouth College (named for the English earl) for the education of the sons of American colonists, rather than Native Americans as had originally been envisaged.

In 1764, Occom had opposed the sale of tribal lands and was involved in the “Mason Controversy,” a long lasting dispute over land between colonists and Mohegeans. The Mohegans formed an alliance with the Mason family to plead a case for the governor of Connecticut to give back the lands to the Mohegans. When Occom came back to Mohegan territory, he expressed his support for the Mason family and the Mohegans which caused the missionaries to make threats to take away his preacher's license and stop financing his missionary work. The colonists also started to spread rumours about Occom, that he was an alcoholic and that he converted to Christianity just to look good. In a 1769 letter, Wheelock wrote to Occom about the rumour that he was an alcoholic. The rumour hurt Occom's reputation after the success of the fundraising trip to England. Wheelock suggested that Occom truly did not care for Christianity. He even raised the idea that his conversion was false and could not be trusted as a preacher. The stereotype of the drunken Indian was foisted on Occom and inevitably undermined his work. Wheelock benefited from the defamation of Occom as it bolstered his authority.

Benjamin Beddome on Friendship Part 2 (Final)

This aricle originally appeared in Banner of Truth Magazine

When one thinks of friendships among Baptist ministers in the eighteenth century, one instinctively thinks of Fuller, Sutcliffe and Ryland, who ‘held the ropes’ for Carey. Beddome does not seem to have had a close ministerial friendship of that sort, although in The Baptist Register John Rippon refers to the younger man who preached Beddome's funeral sermon, Benjamin Francis (1734–1799), as his ‘affectionate friend’ and, as Stephen Pickles notes in his new biography of Beddome (Rippon, Obituary Beddome, Baptist Annual Register: Including Sketches of the State of Religion Among Different Denominations etc., Vol. 2 (Dilly, Button & Thomas, 1794), 326; Stephen Pickles, Cotswold Pastor and Baptist Hymnwriter: The Life and Times of Benjamin Beddome (1718-1795) (James Bourne Society, 2023), he was clearly a very friendly person.

Beddome had several good friends in the congregation at Bourton, including his father-in-law Richard Boswell (d. 1783), gentleman William Snooke (1730–1799) and, later, Snooke's brother-in-law, Richard Hall (1728–1801). Their father-in-law, Benjamin Seward (1705–1753) of Bengeworth, was likely another good friend of Beddome’s. Beddome, sometimes accompanied by his wife, would often take tea at her father’s or Snooke’s, or at one or other of the homes of the wealthier church members.

When he was a student in Bristol, Beddome had come to know Sarah Evans (1713–1751). His friendship with Hugh Evans (1712–1781) and especially Sarah (née Browne) began then. Their friendship was referenced by her son Caleb Evans (1737–1791) in a funeral address he gave for his stepmother Ann. ( Caleb Evans, God the everlasting portion of his people. Sermon occasioned by the death of Mrs Ann Evans, wife of the Rev. Hugh Evans, MA ... Preached Broadmead, Bristol …, 1776). Beddome took Sarah's funeral and wrote an epitaph for her grave.

Henry Keene (1727–1797) was another friend. Keene was a coal merchant and a well-respected deacon in the Maze Pond church, London. A warm letter written in November 1772 from Beddome to Keene is preserved in a Calendar of Letters assembled by Isaac Mann (1785–1831) held at the National Library of Wales, Aberystwyth.

John Ryland's father, usually referred to as John Collett Ryland (1723–1792) to distinguish him from his better-known son, was born in Bourton on the Water and spent his formative years in the area. Six years younger than Beddome, the two became friends when, in 1740, Ryland was one of about forty converts in a revival that marked the early period of Beddome's ministry. Beddome baptised Ryland in October 1741, and when the latter began to show an interest in becoming a minister, a strong friendship blossomed between the two. As mentor, Beddome ‘led him forward to the work of the ministry with the fostering hand of a wife and kind parent.’ (Rippon, The Gentle Dismission of Saints from Earth to Heaven. A Sermon [2 Tim. 4:6] Occasioned by the Decease of ... J. Ryland, Sen. ... Preached First at His Funeral at Northampton and ... in London, 1792, 37, 38). As to their friendship, Beddome called Ryland Sr his ‘dearest friend’ and the two kept in contact well after Ryland left Bourton and moved to Bristol; he later became a minister in Warwick and then in Northampton. (William Newman, Rylandiana: reminiscences relating to ... J. Ryland of Northampton [With extracts from his diary, etc] 1834, 137-39).

Beddome was no doubt a good friend also to several others in the congregation who went on to become ministers themselves, notably men like John Reynolds (1730–1792), Nathanael Rawlings (1733–1809), and Richard Haines (d. 1767).

In the second part of the sermon previously referred to, Beddome speaks about the duty of friendship highlighted in the verse he preaches: He that hath friends should show himself friendly. ‘Act agreeably to the connexions formed,’ says Beddome, ‘and the confidence reposed in him.’ He goes on,

Though the forming of friendships is a matter not of necessity but of choice, yet, when they are formed, it is highly incumbent upon us that we should so regulate our temper and conduct as may best tend to their continuance and improvement.

The duty of friendship

Beddome says four things about this:

We should take care that our inward sentiments and feelings perfectly agree with our outward professions.

Undissembled integrity becomes the man and adorns the Christian. Extravagant professions of regard and large promises of help and assistance are to be avoided, as also are lavish praises and commendations; for these, however gratifying they may be to a weak man, will rather be disgusting to a wise one. We should never speak more than our hearts feel, or enter into engagements which we may possibly want both an ability and inclination to perform. This is the character that David gives of men in a very degenerate age: They speak vanity everyone to his neighbour, with flattering lips, and with a double heart do they speak.

We should not be shy in using our friends, or backward in receiving kindnesses from them.

He quotes Edward Young again, ‘Reserve will wound it, and distrust destroy.’ He goes on,

It is as much an act of friendship without hesitation to accept a favour, as readily to confer one; and the not doing so at proper and convenient seasons has begotten a jealousy and suspicion that we would not lay an obligation upon another because we are so loth to come under one ourselves; but a real friend should be willing to do both. He should give and receive advice, admit frequent visits and repay them, inquire into the grievances of another and tell his own, partake of the bounty of his friend, and let require. Mutual sympathy, and a readiness to communicate to each other's wants, is necessary among friends: Have pity upon me, O my friends! says Job. Friendship is a profession of love, and love should not only be professed, but acted upon.

We should prefer the interests and welfare of their souls to that of their bodies:

Thus did Christ, the friend of publicans and sinners, when he was upon earth, and thus should all his followers do; and surely those will be most indebted to us for our friendship, whose everlasting felicity is promoted by it.

He then says, firstly,

We should pray for our friends; thus did Job for his, though by their uncharitable invectives they had greatly added to the weight of his afflictions, and his prayers returned into his own bosom. Yet he obtained a blessing both for himself and them. If we can do nothing else for our friends, we can pray for them; and whatever else we have done, or can do, this should not be neglected.

And secondly,

We should faithfully reprove them when they do amiss. Not to do this is represented as an evidence of hatred: Thou shalt not hate thy brother in thine heart; thou shalt in any wise rebuke thy neighbour, and not suffer sin upon him: and therefore to do it is an instance of the greatest love, and a wise and good man will esteem it so. Let the righteous smite me, says David, and it shall be an excellent oil. But then we must do it in a friendly manner, secretly, and not so as to expose him; with meekness and tenderness, and not so as to irritate and provoke him; and at the most convenient season, when he is most likely to bear it, and be benefited by it.

We should carefully avoid all those things which may either break the bonds of friendship, or weaken them:

We should not, by divulging his secrets, abuse the confidence that our friend has placed in us. We should guard against envy if providence has exalted him above us; and of coldness and neglect if he is sunk into a state of inferiority to us. We should also shun the company of those who are given to calumny and detraction, for Solomon tells us that a whisperer separateth chief friends; and, lastly, if by any notorious miscarriage, or unmerited provocations, they have forfeited our friendship, we should remember that we still owe them common charity, if prudence prohibits our former familiarity with them. Religion should restrain us from turning our love into hatred.

Conclusion

The sermon closes with two reflections.

First,

What need of grace have we to enable us to act up to this, or any other character that we sustain! The duties of friendship, you see, are not few or easy; we should therefore implore the assistance of divine grace, that we may rightly perform them. Nor should we, as has been wisely said, make choice of many intimate and bosom friends; for a multiplication of friends will involve a multiplication of duties, and, consequently, of difficulties.

Second,

Let those who are so happy as to have Christ for their friend be particularly observant of this rule with respect to him. O let us cultivate a more intimate acquaintance with him, set a proper value upon his friendship, give him the uppermost place in our hearts, make him the frequent subject of our conversation, avoid every thing that is offensive to him, frequent those places where we may meet with him, and long to be for ever with him!

We should be thankful for our friends, if we have them. As Michael Haykin has observed, writing about William Carey, whom Beddome once wanted to succeed him at Bourton on the Water, ‘True friendships take time and sacrifice, and Western culture in the early twenty-first century is a busy world that as a rule is far more interested in receiving and possessing than sacrificing and giving.’ (Michael A. G. Haykin, The Missionary Fellowship of William Carey, 2018, 10). The observation is no doubt correct. The duties of friendship have never been few or easy, and we need divine grace to rightly perform them. Let us be good friends to all, then, and especially to the Lord Jesus Christ, the Friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Benjamin Beddome on Friendship Part 1

This article originally appeared in Banner of Truth Magazine

Enumerating God's kindnesses in one of his hymns, the long serving minister at Bourton on the Water, Gloucestershire, Benjamin Beddome (1717-1795) includes not only “constant supplies of outward good, your nightly sleep and daily food”, but also “your health and strength and faithful friends, And happiness that never ends.” (566).

Another hymn acknowledges that his dearest friends he owes to God's goodness. Yet another hymn (737) is all about friendship in the context of worship

How sweet the interview with friends

Whose hopes and aims are one

All earthly pleasures it transcends

And swift the moments run

Of sympathy and love possessed

Our sorrows we impart

And when with pure enjoyments blessed

They go from heart to heart.

Pursuing still our way to bliss

A weak and feeble band

We trust in Christ our righteousness

Who will our strength command

Though for a season we must part

As urgent duties call

Still we remain but one in heart

And Jesus is our all

Oh may his glorious cause encrease

And we his wonders tell

Now bid us Lord depart in peace

And now dear friends farewell.

Growing up, Beddome would have been keenly aware of the intense friendship between his minister father, John Beddome (1675-1757) and his life-long bachelor friend, Bernard Foskett (1685-1758) who Beddome junior followed first into medicine then into the ministry. Beddome senior and Foskett first met in London then ministered together in the Midlands before coming together again in Bristol, where, in due time, the two died within a year of each other and were buried alongside each other. Foskett was considered to be a part of the Beddome family and was often with them when they gathered. Benjamin named one of his sons Foskett. Sadly, he drowned, dying prematurely as a young man. Beddome was asked to speak at Bernard Foskett's funeral but felt incapable. He was one of six coffin bearers.

The friendship between the older men no doubt informed Beddome when on at least one occasion he preached on the subject of friendship.

Before coming to that sermon, a paragraph in another sermon of Beddome's, on Zechariah 8:23 (see Volume 5 of the posthumously published Twenty short discourses adapted to village worship) notes that one thing to learn from his text is

That seclusion from all society is neither the Christian's duty, nor his privilege. It was God himself who said, It is not good for man to be alone. Satan imagined that lie had the greatest advantage against our Lord, and that he was most likely to prevail over him, when he found him in a solitary wilderness, unsupported by the presence of a friend. To guard against a similar danger, Jesus afterwards sent out his disciples two and two; not only that out of the mouth of two witnesses every word might be established, but that they might be helpers of each other's joy in the Lord.

Reciprocal duties

Sermon 59 in a collection of 67 posthumously published sermons known as Sermons Printed from the manuscripts of the late Rev Benjamin Beddome, AM with a brief Memoir of the Author is on Proverbs 18:24 A man that hath friends must show himself friendly and has been given the title The reciprocal duties of friends.

Beddome begins by saying

The advantages of real friendship are great and the duties resulting from it many. We have a comprehensive view of them in my text. We should exercise a common civility towards all men neither despising the poor on account of the meanness of their condition nor hating our greatest enemies for the injuries we have received from them but a man that hath friends must show himself friendly. Here we have a privilege spoken of and a duty prescribed.

The privilege of friendship

The sermon is in two parts. Firstly, a privilege is spoken of. What a privilege to have a friend, says Beddome,

To say that a man is friendless is to denote a complete state of misery. Lover and friend, says David, hast thou put far from me. This aggravated his troubles and added weight to all his other distresses. On the contrary next to the comforts of religion are those of friendship and society especially when those whom we look upon as our friends are …

He then enumerates four qualities in a good friendship. It is

Real and disinterested

Sincerely what they profess to be not acting from selfish motives but making our interest their own. Most men seek their own and do not, as the apostle expresses it in another case, naturally care for the state of others. Here and there perhaps we may find one who will sympathise with us in all our griefs and joys and by all proper means promote our happiness and welfare. Happy is the man that hath such a friend.

Wise and prudent

Able and willing to give us advice when we are at a loss how to act and that without upbraiding our ignorance or despising us for our weakness. It is a happiness to have such friends who are discreet and experienced and at the same time open and communicative. If our friend be weak and silly, his folly may plunge us into great inconveniences and let him be ever so sagacious, if he be sullen and reserved his wisdom will do us little service. David was happy in the friendship of Hushai who by his good sense and deep penetration defeated the pernicious councils of Ahithophel and extricated his royal master from a state of the greatest perplexity.

Marked by pious virtue

Pious virtue is the only solid foundation for friendship for he that is not a good man cannot be a good friend. Prayer for friends is one of the most important duties of friendship but he is not likely to pray for us who does not pray for himself. The concerns of the soul are of the most interesting nature but it is not probable that he will be mindful of the spiritual concerns of others who is regardless of his own. Those are the most valuable and desirable friends who are at the same time like Abraham the friends of God. Not the gay, sensual and profane but the serious and thoughtful, circumspect and holy whose conversation will be instructive and their example improving, whose hearts glow with love to God and whose conduct and behaviour exhibit all the beauties of the religious life. By their means we may be fortified against temptations, kept from many an hurtful snare, be convinced of sin when we have committed it and rendered more steadfast in the ways of God. As iron sharpeneth iron, says Solomon, so doth the countenance of a man his friend. We insensibly contract a likeness to those whom we choose for our companions: if they are modest and humble, we grow like them; if they are bold and impudent, we become so too.

Further

Give me leave to add, under this head, if a courteous and obliging temper, a natural sweetness of disposition, be added to strict virtue and real piety, it makes the ties of friendship more sweet and more durable. This seems to have been the case with respect to David and Jonathan. That man can never be a friend to others who is a foe to himself.

Faithful and persevering

The fourth and final thing Beddome includes under his first heading, and here he must inevitably have thought of Foskett and his father, is this

Lastly. Faithful and persevering, who will smile when the world frowns, stand by us when others forsake us and adhere to us in the face of the greatest opposition. Thus all Saul's threats and reproaches could not make Jonathan renounce the covenant of friendship he had made with David, whom he loved as his own soul. Such friendships are very rare. My brethren, says Job, have dealt deceitfully as a brook, and as the stream of brooks they pass away. A failing brook is a fit emblem of a false heart. A friend that loveth at all times, who does not change when our circumstances change, but is the same whether we are in a state of affluence or want, in honour or disgrace, is one of the choicest gifts of God.

He quotes Edward Young, one of his favourite authors, from his poem Night Thoughts

Friendship's the wine of life:

A friend is worth all the hazards we can run.

Poor is the friendless master of a world:

A world in purchase for a friend is gain.

Beddome concludes this part of his sermon

This should lead us to think of the Lord Jesus Christ, in whom all these characters meet. He is the greatest, best, and most affectionate, the most disinterested and faithful of all friends, a friend to them that have no other friend; a friend to those who have been his most bitter enemies, and who lives when other friends die; to whom we may justly apply the words following my text: There is a Friend that sticketh closer than a brother. O may each of us be able to say, This is my beloved, and this is my friend!